Blood Sucks - Conclusion

I’m waiting for the doctor and am thinking I will need some kind of surgery. Shit, am I going to find out that there is something major wrong with me? (I tend to be a hypochondriac occasionally. I got into a car accident once and hit my sternum and it hurt for weeks. I honestly thought I had sternum cancer, which there is no such thing as.) Then I’m thinking what if I die from this? I don’t have a will, so my cats will end up homeless.

I keep waiting for the doctor, still bleeding from my ass and still worrying to no extent. “What is wrong with me? Is this my last night on earth? Fuck, I got her some nice presents and I won’t even be able to see her expression on her face when she opens them. Damn, the doctor better get in here fast or I’m going to have a heart attack!”

So the doctor finally gets into see me and I think he is alarmed by the site of the blood, from my paranoia. He has me lay on my stomach and looks up my ass. “Is there any pain, Steve?” I don’t know what to say, even though there isn’t. Maybe a yes will change the situation. It will make things clearer and validate that I’m doing ok. But I need to be honest with him. I tell him, ‘No pain, which is odd because there is so much blood.”

“Well even though you are bleeding so much and there is no pain, which usually accompanies your condition, you have nothing to worry about. It is just a hemorrhoid. I’m going to put some gauze up there and when it clots, you are fine to go home.”

So I was on the bed with my girlfriend next to me. For three hours, on my stomach, in an ugly fucking hospital robe with a huge cotton ball up my ass! Nothing major, nothing drastic, it was nothing to worry about. It was something that a stool softener and salve will take care of. All the worry was gone, even when I kept seeing blood. Once you know where the blood is coming from, everything is fine. But before that moment, blood sucks!