The New Celebrity Fit Club - Part 2

So now let’s take a look at these other celebrities that will grace the screen and get yelled at by Dr. Harvey when they haven’t lost weight or act like a douche bag, just like Screech did one season.

Shar Jackson: Well, first off I had no idea who this was, so I had to Google her. Didn’t know that she was a she until I got the Google results. The name sounds like she could be a male rapper, a soap star or the offspring of Randy Jackson from American Idol.

She had small parts in Moesha and the Bernie Mac show and co-starred in the movie Good Burger. Are you fucking joking me? That makes her a celebrity? No, that makes her barely more than an extra with a speaking part. Oh, here is what makes her a celebrity. She is the Baby Mama to two of Federline’s kids. OK. It was bad enough that Federline rode the coat tails of someone to become a celebrity, but now someone is riding his coat tails? This is some kind of fucked Transitive Property in mathematics. You remember, if A=B and B=C, then A=C. So Spears=Federline, and Federline=Jackson, then Spears=Jackson? Don’t think so. Unlike the other two, Spears actually has some talent. We will look for this Char on Celebrity Rehab or some other show where she can get a role, because believe me, if she made a movie, it would go straight to Beta!

Bobby Brown: At first I thought it was the hot blonde Bobby Brown who starred in Warrant’s Cherry Pie Video. (That would be ironic, because she dated Warrant’s lead singer, Jani Lane. He also appeared on Celebrity Fit Club one season.) If it was her on the show, it would be sad, because no one could ever look at the video the same again. It would lose all it's sex appeal. (Just like when Kelly LeBrock was on the show. I can’t view Weird Science or The Woman in Red the way I used to!)

I then found out, it was Bobby Brown. Yes, the Bobby Brown who was in New Edition, was a pop superstar and was married to Whitney Houston. What the fuck happened to him? I guess His Prerogative was to eat a bunch of Twinkies and fast food! This guy was a huge, huge star. He was selling out arenas, but I guess now he is buying concessions from arenas! (In mass quanities!)

What I don’t understand is, how did he get overweight? He was always in great shape in his younger age. Putting on a great stage show and dancing up a storm! Talk about falling apart. Oh and he was a cocaine addict. What coke head becomes a fat ass? That is like getting the full experience of acid if you are color blind!

I can tell you this. I bet Whitney is laughing her ass off at him these days. (Which would be like throwing rocks at a glass house, because she is pretty fucked up too!) She probably is thinking to herself, “Try to hit me now jerk off, you aren’t nearly as quick as when you were in shape. I would go medieval on your ass, you bloated cow!”

Nicole Eggert: OK, she was a celebrity, but that was when cassette tapes were also popular. She was on Charles in Charge, and that worries me a bit. The reason for worry is she is going to be on Celebrity Fit Club and Willie Ames another co-star of that show, was also on it. So who is next? Scott Fucking Baio? If he becomes an adult sized Oompa Loompa, it will suck! Shit, he was Chachi. (And was way to good looking to date Joanie! She was a piece of slunk meat.)

Nicole was also on Baywatch. How does a woman who played a beach beauty go to being a beached whale? I mean shit, if she put on her old red bathing suit from that show, she would look like a tic who sucked to much blood about to explode! Put it this way, Hasselholff is 57 years old and you wouldn’t catch him dead on Fit Club! (And that fucker sits on the floor trying to eat cheeseburgers when he is hammered! You can Youtbe it.)

Oh a little known fact. Nicole went out with Corey Haim. That asshole should be on a VH1 show. I mean he isn’t a train wreck about to happen, he is one that has crashed and been rebuilt about ten times. (He is a young version of Gary Busey!)

To be continued…